just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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