I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize