Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize