I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
