ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
