Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
