so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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