Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
