I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
