Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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