And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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