just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
