fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
