Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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