Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
