I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
