Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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