I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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