Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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