I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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