It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
