I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
