New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
