I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
