Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize