Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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