It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
