Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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