Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
