Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
