the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
