I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
