I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
