hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
