he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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