I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize