honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
