Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
