she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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