dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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