she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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