Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize