it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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