Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
