I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
