I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
