if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize