I am in a vortex of obligation.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
