He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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