While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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