This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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