I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
