Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
