I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
