Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
