obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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