is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
