Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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