Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
