Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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