oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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