His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
