I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize