just tell him i said nine months
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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