When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
