did you get engaged???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
