I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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