he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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