Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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