Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
